Hello World!!
"Wulph! Wait Wulph!" I heard the little sheep screaming and panting my name as I ran away. I had to run away though. He didn't give me any other option but to run away! I couldn't help but think of him as a big walking pot roast. Why on earth did he have to get so close to me? After eating grass two weeks this was my one chance at having an actual meal. Every time I attempted to go hunting this little.... thing followed me around. You would think that he would pick up on the fact that I salivated uncontrollably when he was around, but know they all just thought my nose was always running. Apparently, running like a Wulph. I couldn't wait to.... Wait, why was I waiting? We were RUNNING away. I heard my stomach growl. After all of the constant games and "Baaaa"-ing I finally had my chance.I had been under the radar for about two months now! I hadn't been able to get a single steak in! I couldn't believe how annoying his little thing was! He just had to know what I was doing all the time! Even when I went out for a bathroom break! He. Was. There. It was becoming the most frustrating situation for me! I couldn't stand hearing all of his jokes.. What was a knock knock anyway?
I ran through the field and into trees. No one would see us here. I could hear the little fuzzy... thing panting after me. I stopped abruptly and turned around. "Gosh Wulphy! I had something important to tell you! I don't think we should be this far away from the herd though," his voice trailed off. Here it comes the awkward silence. Why is he just staring at me?
"Wanna hear a joke before we head back?!" Not at all. "Knock, Knock! Wulphy, you have to open the door when someone knocks!! Knock, Knock!" I stared at the little meat loaf. "What door?" "The one right there," he said as he shoved his head right in front of mine. He was so close! Oh no! Why did I just lick his face?! I need to fix this. What's the quickest way to make sure he doesn't notice?....Oh crap. "Who's there?" Here we go again.
"Orange," he said with that goofy grin on his face. That was it! Dinner he is!
"All the better to eat you with my dear!" I bellowed ready to attack. I glared at him. No. More. Knock knock. Jokes.
"No, silly! It's orange you glad to see me! You get it? Isn't it funny? Why aren't you laughing? Wul--"
Finally! I tore him to shreds as I swallowed chunks of him whole. My delicious meal! He deserved it! He was telling me the same joke for the fifteenth time. I..."Hey Wulphy, why is it so dark in here. Wow! You sure do think a lot about sheep. Hey, look, there's me!"
What was that. Oh God no! Please no. How was I still hearing him? I had eaten my fill of his body. I stared at the carcass on the ground and nudged it. Nope definitely dead.... Did I eat a different sheep? I looked around and walked in a circle... No. How was it even possible that he was in my mind?.... I closed my eyes and concentrated..."Hey Wulphy! Knock Knock!" The voice echoed this time in my brain. This was worse then having him follow me!
"Wulphy! Knock Knock! Open the door!!"
Oh dear God please help me. WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!
Author's Note: I found that it would be nice to have some form of comic relief for this specific fable from the Aesop's Fables (Jacob). I found this story to be incredibly intriguing and I wanted to be sure that I put that across. I always enjoy a humorous story and this one is no specific intention. I was inspired a bit from "Hoodwinked" the Disney movie that came out a few years ago. I am a huge Disney fan so I found that this was immediately my first thought.
In the original story, the wolf doesn't really have a friend or anyone following him. He gets away with his disguise and with killing all these sheep without consequences until the very end. I decided that here should be some form of guilt in his conscience that causes him to regret his decision at least somewhat. This is why I chose to add the sheep with various jokes! I felt that it could be a comical way for the wolf to deal with his karma. I also thought that this would allow for the story to have more of a form of comic relief rather than the original. I hope that you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!
All the above information can be found at this link:Aesop Fables (Jacob).
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| Wulphy, Source: V&A |
Haha, I love the twist! Poor sheep still has no idea the danger it was in. And Wulphy is such a cute name for such an angry wolf haha. I am kind of confused about the fable though as I'm unfamiliar with it. Could you explain it a bit more in the author's note? In the original did the sheep also enter the wolf's mind? Anyway, I loved your story especially how the wolf kept referring to the sheep as a pot roast!
ReplyDeleteI really like the comedic way you told this story. I also think that writing it in first person as the character. It put a new perspective on a story about an animal. You did a nice job describing the scenes and I liked the way the dialogue was. It took a second to get used to reading it in first person and following, but once I did, I was hooked.
ReplyDeleteSahra, that was such a great story! I'm still laughing haha! There some points in your story that really surprised me. For instance, when Wulphy was running away from the sheep. I found that really odd, because that's like a dinner on wheels for wolves! I definitely think you should keep this part of your story the same.
ReplyDeleteAnother detail that I found interesting was how the sheep was still alive after wulphy ate him. Now that would definitely build on someone's guilty conscience! For sure you should keep that detail the same. Now, if I was to give you some feedback for your portfolio, I would say two things. First, I found myself wondering why Wulphy was trying to get away from the sheep and did not just eat him in the first place, considering that he was so annoying. Second, I thought about what if, and wait for it... Wulphy and the sheep ended up becoming friends?! Now wouldn't that be a crazy little twist! Lol
This is probably the first story where I actually laughed! The comedic relief was a great touch on the story. I thought it was going to be brutal with the way the sheep was eaten, but the he just kept on talking. It was also cool that you showed the wolf as being reluctant to eat the sheep at first. He tried so hard but just couldn't quite resist in the end. The ending makes me wonder what the wolf did afterwards. Would he have to deal with it forever? Maybe he tried to throw the sheep up to see if that helped? Who knows! There were a couple minute errors with spelling and I think you should broaden the author's note just a bit more with the original in mind. You give a few tips about the fable, but maybe just a few more tips to really understand your view when writing the story. I appreciate the laugh! Keep up the good writing!
ReplyDeleteFunny story! And pretty cute, up to the point where the wolf devours the sheep. Anyone could have done a more serious take, but I’m glad you went with something more like comic relief. It made it so much more relatable. Who hasn’t had to deal with someone like that little sheep with no self-awareness?
ReplyDeleteThe best element of this story for me was the flipping around of poetic justice. First, it seems like the sheep getting eaten is what he deserves for being so irritating, but then the wolf pays for eating him when the sheep haunts him.
One thing you could work on when editing this story is clarity. Not the dialogue or characters, but the situation. When reading, I didn’t realize until the end that the main character was wearing sheep skin. It was clear that he was a wolf, but it might help to include a detail or two in one of the first couple of paragraphs about the wolf physically wearing a sheep skin. Maybe the wool is itchy or something?
Great story! You have a good sense for humor.
I adore your usage of first-person in this story. From the first paragraph, your word choice for Wulph's internal dialogue roped me in, and had me reeling up to the end. Props on that. You also build comedic energy well, with how the jokes from the sheep and the Wulph's internal banter come in faster and faster.
ReplyDeleteHowever, when you mentioned in the author's note the guilt and comedic relief, I was confused if whether you wanted to write a serious story or a comical story. You seem to have more of the note dedicated to talking about comedic relief, so I assume that's your goal. I also had trouble distinguishing some of the sheep's dialogue from Wulph's narration.
Both of the problems above can be tackled at your discretion by adjusting word choice or line structure. For instance, writing a serious story might emphasize seriousness with word choice (eating the sheep) or comedy in sentence structure (the ending narration where Wulph checks if the sheep is dead). Setting off the sheep's dialogue into separate lines would also help distinguish him as a separate character better.
There are also a few spelling mistakes and inconsistent use of interrupted dialogue with the hyphen, but I see well-constructed comedy at the core of this story nonetheless. Cheers!
That was an interesting story to read. He ate the sheep and even after he could still hear his voice and he will continue forever. He hid with sheeps for a while and instead ended up eating him after they ran away. It was just funny how he checked the dead body to make sure he was dead and that he did not eat someone else instead.
ReplyDeleteI really like how animated you made all the characters and scenes! That definitely made it more fun to read. The comedic touch was a wonderful idea. I couldn’t help but get irritated along with Wulphy at the sheep.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how the sheep is still resonating in Wulphy. Is it a figment of his imagination or could he really hear the pesky sheep? Now the sheep is stuck with him forever! Or at least until he digests?
I had a hard time understanding why the wolf was eating grass for two weeks when he could have eaten the joking sheep that whole time. If he was so hungry why didn’t he just eat him right then and there and not wait? I also could not help but to think what if Wulphy just ran far away; would the sheep leave his herd like that just to simply tell jokes to him?
Overall that was a fun story to read!
Great story Sahra! I really loved how the entire story was written in the perspective of the wolf. I thought you did an excellent job developing the characters of both the sheep and wolf. The dialogue between both really made the reader understand the point of view for both the sheep and wolf. Both the characters brought a comedic aspect to the story. I thought it was interesting how you made the wolf second guess himself for eating the sheep. Usually in the Fables the wolf doesn’t really worry about eating the sheep so I thought it was creative to change the character. Also, I am glad that you broke the story up into shorter paragraphs instead of long ones. This really let me be able to read the story with ease. I am a little confused on why the wolf can still hear the sheep. Is he just remembering how annoying he is or is he actually still alive? That may be up to the reader to decide so I will go with the wolf is just going to have the sheep’s annoying voice in his head forever!
ReplyDeleteOverall, this was a great story!
ReplyDeleteI liked your pun of a name for the wolf; I thought it was funny. I was wondering way Wulph did not attack the little sheep near the others. Later I assumed he ran to hide he attack on the poor sheep, so he could later eat other tasty victims. I did have a hard time following your story, but I am not used to reading first person stories. I think it was also difficult for me to read because I had to reread some lines a few times because I did not realize it was the wolf’s thought process, I think this is where I found it difficult to read.
I realize the end of the story was to be comic relief. I did not interpret that way instead I thought it was rather morbid and I really enjoyed that part of it; it felt like psychological karma. After reading your author’s note, I feel bad for not seeing the comic relief for what it was. However, this is where you can find new ways to approach comic relief. I think you have a great idea, and I am excited to see how you take this story further.
Hey Sahra,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story this week! I enjoyed the first-person element of your story, and the fact that we got to see what the wolf was thinking up until the attack. I did find a few spelling errors in throughout the story. Nothing major, I think you just forgot to click one of the keys while typing. Also, there were a few sentences that seemed a bit choppy and awkward to read. I would just reword them a bit and it should all be good! Some of the sentences that could use revision are:
-After eating grass two weeks this was my one chance at having an actual meal.
-Apparently, running like a Wulph. (This sentence didn’t make much sense to me. But maybe the joke just went over my head.)
The second paragraph could probably be integrated into the first paragraph. It seems to cut off the flow and I think that the end on the first paragraph should be should be followed by the third paragraph. They logically seem to follow each other. The story as a whole was really good. It just needs a few rearrangements to make a bit more sense.
Hey Sahra! I really enjoyed reading your story. I was worried the sheep would get eaten, and he did, but I really liked that you had the wolf punished by having to live with the sheep's thoughts in his mind for the rest of time. I like that moral of the story. It kind of shows that trying to ignore or remove the issue won't actually fix anything, but might make it a larger part of our lives. I really enjoy the Aesop Fables, and I like what you did with the story. I like that you made it more comedic and light hearted. It was a fun story to read and had a fairly happy ending. I wonder what would have happened had the wolf eaten him and not suffered any consequences? Would he eventually feel guilty and miss his annoying friend, or would he just go about trying to find another meal?
ReplyDeleteReally big spin on the wolf in sheep's clothing story I see. It started off humorous enough and I gotta say, if I were the wolf I'd have been really annoyed too. The writing was funny and the scene where the wolf started eating the sheep caught me by surprise, and felt like it started being more grotesque. What I didn't get was why the wolf didn't eat the sheep at the start of it all, considering that's the reason he's in sheeps' clothing after all. I liked the idea of the wolf having a conscience but the sheep seemed to be portrayed as super annoying so it's hard to empathize with why the wolf was having trouble digesting (!!) what he's just done. Maybe if the sheep had a scene where he shows that he really does care for the wolf, or even if he just said something like "We're best friends right?", something that would really get someone to feel guilty like that.
ReplyDeleteI like that you started with dialogue in your opening sentence. That tends to draw the reader in with the action starting immediately. Your first paragraph is good, but I might have broken it up into smaller chunks, especially when he is moving from thought to thought. I understand that the Wulph is running away and trying to think while doing it, but I think it makes the reader frantic, too. Which could be the effect you were going for, but part of me felt like I was all over the place instead of inside of Wulph’s head. I also wouldn’t cap words to emphasize them. I would italicize them so it doesn’t take away from the reader’s attention.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue through confuses me because sometimes I couldn’t tell who was talking. I could assume from some of the content being said, but maybe make it clearer as to who is talking in the long paragraphs. I lose focus because of this. Also, I personally think the exclamation point is overused in this story. I understand it should be used for things that are being exclaimed out loud, but there’s a lot and I feel like not every piece of dialogue should be emphasized using an exclamation point.
Overall, nice job with your story. I think it was light hearted and you took a nice angle.
I like how the story is written from the perspective of the wolf. The alternate spelling, Wulph, is a creative touch as well. I loved the line, “What is a knock knock anyway?” I giggled when I read it. The dialogue between the wolf and the sheep is cute. So cute! I laughed again at “the little meat loaf.” At first, I was so sad that in an instant the sweet little sheep had been eaten, but I had a “wow!” moment when he started talking again. The story was so creative and entertaining! I think it was a great idea to add in the comic relief. I was left questioning whether he was hearing the voices because he was so guilty and couln’t stop thinking about the sheep or whether the sheep was actually still talking to him. There could maybe be some clarification there, but it probably isn’t necessary. There were also a couple typos in there that were distracting from the story, but I still loved it! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHello Sahra, I really enjoyed reading your story! Incorporating a first person perspective gave a unique feel to the story. I also enjoyed the comical relief style that you intended to portray to the readers. The dialogue between the sheep and wolf helped in developing an image of each character. Additionally, dialogue helped in understanding the point of view of each character. I was surprised as to how the wolf hesitated to eat the Sheep. Normally the Wolf is awaiting an opportunity to get to the sheep especially if the wolf goes through wearing a sheep’s clothing. I see how you tried to show how the wolf might have gained a sense of friendship with the sheep which is why he hesitated to go for the opportunity to eat him. Maybe you can add a dialogue between the two were the sheep confronts him. Overall nice story, good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Sahra, what a funny, yet great story that you wrote! I loved the style that you chose, as it makes it fun to read and very engaging. What inspired you to write this story? below are a few comments that I noted while reading:
ReplyDelete1. "After eating grass two weeks this was my one chance at having an actual meal."
= it will sound better if you say After eating grass FOR two weeks...
2. We all have those days where we do something and it folllows us around. I like that it shows in your story. I can't imagine what the wolf feels like!
3. Your use of imagery made the story feel alive and allowed me, as a reader, to visualize every detail.
I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Oh wow, I was definitely not expecting the ending! I like the way you wrote it; it was funny and light-hearted, as well as entertaining to read. I enjoyed how the sheep kept following the wolf rather than the typical role of the wolf hunting down the sheep. I was a little like :o when he suddenly ate the sheep, but thought it was funny how he basically screwed himself over by finally snapping.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a very funny story to read. A quick formatting tip though. For your dialogue maybe you can offset it to where they have their own lines rather than being a part of the paragraph itself. I think that will make it much easier for the reader to follow. Other than that it looks great! When the wolf ate the sheep it was kind of sudden! I understand why though, that thing was getting troublesome. If there is anything I could suggest it would be possibly giving us a little more description in terms of setting and the characters and how they look. Maybe you can really depict whether the wolf was a very scary looking animal or was he friendlier. Hence the reason the sheep kept coming back to him. Also, maybe expand on the personality of the wolf a little more. I understand the sheep is a little annoying guy. Other than that I really enjoyed the comedic relief!
ReplyDeleteHi Sahra,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with this story! I like that you chose to add elements of comic relief. It is a nice change of pace from the original fable, and you did an excellent job capturing the humor in your story. I thought it was really smart to bring the guilty conscience of the wolf through the humor of the sheep. Great job!